Unfortunately, break up is a part of life and we are all going to experience heart break at some point in our lives. Here are the reasons why it is so painful and what you can do about it:
1. Your Identity Was Interwoven With Theirs
If we are not conscious about how we build the relationship there won’t be a point where you end and they being… it will just be an amalgamation of your two ego identities. So, when one of the two of you splits away there is going to be inevitable pain. Essentially, she or he was you and now that they have gone you don’t know who you are anymore. There is going to be a painful period where you try and figure out who you are again.
What can you do about this?
Know that this will pass. Try to remember who you were without them. It it was a long relationship you may not remember and therefore it will be up to you to find out what you do enjoy in life. What is really important to you?
2. You Didn’t Love Yourself Enough Before The Break Up
It becomes pretty clear after a break up how much you have loved yourself during a relationship and how much you love yourself now. If you don’t send love to yourself during this time it is going to be very hard. As humans (who have not been taught how to love ourselves), we can often go into relationship to give love as a way to receive love. When the relationship finishes then there is nobody to give that love to anymore… you can’t even give that love to yourself because you were so obsessed with giving it to them.
What can you do now?
Find a new outlet for your love. Find something you love to do for yourself.. but make sure it is GOOD for you. Maybe it’s playing tennis. Maybe it’s building a business. Maybe it’s seeing your friends, or giving your time to a charity. What is it? Put your energy into loving something and channel that love back to yourself.
3. You Haven’t Been Taught How To Heal
If we weren’t taught emotional mastery when we were younger by our parents then what chance do we have when disaster strikes in our lives? Most people weren’t taught emotional mastery and have no clue what to do when heartbreak hits.
What should you do?
Don’t think you need to do all of this on your own. Be around people who have been through a break up and come out the other side. Try EFT (emotional freedom technique), go to a therapist, go get a massage, hug your friends, write letters to your former partner and then burn them.
4. You Haven’t Let Go.
There is a point where you have to let go. You may want to build a friendship with them at some point in the future but you are going to need to cut the contact off for a while. If you can get some conscious completion of what happened and both take your share of the blame of what happened, that is great. It is usually never just one of the persons fault. Sometimes it is… if it is an abusive relationship for example… or if cheating is involved then it can be hard to say it is both persons fault.
What should you do?
Whatever happened, now is the time to let go and say, ‘thank you for helping me’. You may not see it now but that person is helping you by leaving you. Say thank you and bless them on their journey. If things are right, you might be able to build a friendship further down the road.
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