Tinder is the dating app taking the world by storm – we even rank it in our best dating sites. If you haven’t downloaded it yet, where have you been?If you have then you’ve probably selected your finest Facebook photos, come up with a ‘witty’ tagline and swiped right several times, but for some reason you just can’t seem to get lucky.You want to know why your friends are ankle deep in matches, hook ups and messages while you’re sitting at home in your underwear watching Downton Abbey and eating a Pot Noodle? Read our handy guide detailing exactly what you’re doing wrong on Tinder (and how to fix it).
1. You’re posting bad photos
Do NOT do this (imaga via chaozhide.com)
You might think you’ve come up with the wittiest tag line in the history of Tinder (more on that later), but that really doesn’t matter much. Your photos are the thing that’s going to catch a prospective partner’s eye. As dating games go, Tinder is as superficial as they come. You only have a few seconds to make a great impression, so make them count.
Your first photo should be a close cropped, flattering image of your face from a great angle. Please note: when we say ‘great angle’ that doesn’t mean ‘taken in a bathroom while doing duck face’. It should be a natural pose, but one that makes you look as hot as possible. Not sure how to do that? Here’s a handy guide on how to take great pictures of yourself.
Your second photo should show you out on the town with friends (to prove you have some). If you’re feeling confident, use your third photo to show off your body. If you have a photo that shows your lighter side or proves that you have a sense of humour, put that in the last slot. Congratulations! You’re now a sexy, popular hottie who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.
2. You’re being WAY too picky.
Image via makeameme.org
Not getting many matches? Maybe you should increase the odds and save time by swiping right on as many profiles as possible…even if they break the golden photo rules above. Tinder is a numbers game, a bit like playing a city wide game of snap. Say ‘yes’ more often and the matches will start flooding in. Once you get a match and start messaging, you’ll soon find out if they’re worth your time or not. Don’t be scared: you’re not contractually obliged to sleep with someone just because you swiped right. If they’re weird, just back away quietly.
3. You are terrible at messaging.
TOP TIP: DO NOT SWEAR AT YOUR TINDER MATCHES OR THREATEN TO HIT THEM (Image via Celebitchy.com)
Everyone’s expected to be a charmer online, but what if you have the social skills of Justin Bieber and the charm of Shia LaBeouf? How are you going to talk your way out of Tinder and into someone’s pants? Don’t worry, like everything in life there’s a handy guide.
As soon as you get a match, message them and compliment their appearance. Yes, we all know there’s more to life than looks, but Tinder is a superficial place. Start with an impish hello and a ‘dang girl/boy, you fine!’ to break the ice. Then ask them what they’re doing at that moment. Take an interest in their reply, don’t just talk about yourself.
Don’t go straight into sex talk either: play it cool. Being charming is all about making the other person feel important. If they ask about you, drop in a humblebrag then shift the attention back to them (‘on my way to the gym. Would rather be at home w/pizza but gotta push myself as I’m training for a marathon! How about you, do you work out? You sure look as if you do’). And yes, this advice works for women too. Everyone likes to be charmed and complimented, regardless of gender.
4. Your Tinder tagline sucks.
Your photos are important but so is your tagline. There are so many bad ones out there that there’s even a Twitter account dedicated to them. There are three important rules to bear in mind when writing your bio. Rule 1: don’t write creepy things like ‘I want to explore your body and dedicate myself to your pleasure’. If you play your cards right, they’ll find that out on their own. Rule 2: avoid bad chat up lines. You might think it’s hilariously ironic to write ‘are you an archaeologist? Because I have a bone that needs examined’, but it isn’t. It’s shit. Finally, don’t brag about your looks or how you’re regularly mistaken for Ryan Gosling/Selena Gomez. Let your photos do the talking.
5. You’re not taking things to the next (messaging) level.
Get their number. Just get it. Say ‘can I get your number? Texting’s much easier lol!’ Hell, you don’t even need the lol. Just get their number. That way, you’ll be ahead of the crowd. People check texts way more often than they check Tinder. Before long, you’ll be BFFs.
6. You’re not striking while the iron is hot.
You’ve got their number. You’ve exchanged a couple of flirty texts. What are you waiting for? Push for a meet up. Say ‘what are you doing tonight? Want to grab a drink or come over?’ Don’t wait for the weekend, that’s a mug’s game. They’re replying, they’re interested in you: it’s now or never. If you’re definitely interested in hooking up, make sure you offer the ‘or come over’ option. It’s confident rather than pushy (remember, this is Tinder, not some wishy-washy dating site). You’re making it clear that you’re interested in more than just a drink. But if they choose to meet you at a bar, that’s cool too…it just means you have to work that little bit harder.
7. You’re letting them have the milk for free.
Picture the scene: you decide to meet up with each other in a bar. They arrive, they’re cute, you don’t know much about them and you suddenly feel…incredibly awkward. That might be because you’ve spent the last two days sending filthy messages and naked pictures to a complete stranger. You ask what they do. They’re a primary school teacher. They spent their day making Play Doh animals with a bunch of five year olds. You suddenly regret the dick/pussy pic you sent at 1pm.
Keep things flirty and cool. Make it clear that they’ll have to meet you in person if they want to see your junk: if you do, it’ll be a lot sexier when you finally hook up.
Written by Hilary Wardle
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