After a year of podcasting with interesting and awesome guests around the world it was time for Steve Burford to take the hot seat whilst Andrea Dolbec interviews him about his journey to starting the magazine and his own journey in relationship.
Steve: Hi everyone and welcome to another edition of the Raw Attraction Magazine Podcast. Today we are going to be doing something a bit different, a few people have been asking me about what I do and why I started the magazine so I have brought in someone I am working with, Andrea Dolbec, to interview me about the magazine. Hey Andrea, how are you?
Andrea: I’m great.
Steve: Perhaps, before we start, could you tell everyone a bit about what you do…
Andrea: Thank you. Yes. I work with visionaries and people committed to making big changes in the world. Showing how they can bring in abundance to better serve the vision that they have and provide deeper value to the people that they want to reach.
And your magazine is distinct in that you are taking such a powerful and bold direction with it; it gets to make that lasting impact on someone when they visit.
I’m happy to pick and probe at you so we can find out your journey and how you created this amazing magazine.
Steve: On that note, I hand you the reigns of this interview.
Andrea: I gladly accept them. So, I think the audience would love to know when was the moment that you more clearly had this idea about what magazine was needed and can you describe about what that moment was?
Steve: Sure, it was a long journey that started for me 3 or 4 years ago. At this time I didn’t really know what I was doing in terms of dating and relationships. I couldn’t get a date with someone I was attracted to and I needed to find out how I could do it. When I looked, there wasn’t anything out there to help.
I looked at the magazines in a store in London and found that everything seemed quite superficial and nothing really helped me. I also saw that the magazine section was split and there was no joint magazine for men and women. I asked myself, “Why not? Why isn’t there a magazine for men and women? Why is there this separation?” I just began to question what was going on with society.
So, I decided I would start with a bold vision of a magazine for men and women that would address questions that you wouldn’t find in the average men’s or women’s magazine.
So, I went on this journey to find the best writers in the world. This led me to serendipitous meetings with people in Austin, and also going to workshops all over the world. I went to shamanic sexuality retreats run by ISTA (The Institute of Temple Arts) in Guatemala and I met a variety of interesting people there. I’ve just met amazing people doing amazing things that the average person wouldn’t know about.
It has taken almost investigative love journalism to do it. So the journey started way back and has been a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness.
Andrea: Perfect. I want to take a minute to break down what you have shared because you shared a lot there. I’m sure there are people listening who are interested and inspired by you in terms of taking on something so big.
I think one thing I have noticed about great entrepreneurs is that they have identified a need in the market, and you were very aware that there was a need for something different. What you needed in particular, you couldn’t find so you went out on your own to discover and the hunger behind that is what motivates so many entrepreneurs.
It sounds like as you went into this more and more (with investigative journalism as you said) that you have created your own genre. Whether you meant to or not.
Steve: Well it came from own need of wanting to know about sexuality, play, communication, love, and just wanting to be good in relationship. So the real need was in myself and then I wanted to help others in the process.
Andrea: Great. I’d love to know one thing you learned about yourself as you were going through this process.
Steve: The most surprising things were things I have learned about my body. For example, I just mentioned about going to Guatemala and doing this shamanic sexuality training. Knowing what power and energy I could feel in my body, learning certain sacred rituals for the body. I’ve learned the capacity for interconnectedness and pleasure in my body that most men don’t know about.
All that was a revelation and that has spurred me on to know even more about my body and my mind.
Andrea: So, once you’ve had access to this interconnectedness in your body, what was available to you that wasn’t available to you before?
Steve: I was accessing untapped power that most people are not aware of. Our education around sexuality is almost non-existent; we are unaware of how much untapped energy is within our sexuality. That’s evident from all the podcasts I’ve done and the information that I’ve put out there, that there is so much untapped potential in sex and relationships.
So with everything I’ve found I have realized it’s important to get this information out there. This is knowledge that we are being denied from a young age, so I have decided to try and get this information out there to as many people as possible.
Andrea: So, it sounds like that with the magazine and podcast you are all about helping people explore their potential.
Steve: Yes. Definitely. Really the magazine is all about expanding and evolving into as much joy as possible. I just read a quote from Abraham Hicks that our purpose on this earth is to feel as much joy as possible. The magazine is all about that, not being caught in old patterns, caught in the past – it’s about being fully present, fully in love and fully out of control in terms of your joy.
Andrea: You know, one thing I find really fascinating in your sharing is that you’re mentioning power whilst simultaneously speaking to this level and joy. What I notice is that people are uncomfortable about putting power and joy together.
A lot of people are afraid of their own power or they have their own beliefs around what power looks like. So, I think you are pushing forward a different model for people to look at themselves in their lives.
Steve: Yeah, I think I see in that way. Whether that is a new thing for people listening, perhaps it is. For me, it seems to be common sense. But I can imagine for people it could be new because the power that we see out there in society that is sent to us via media is not particularly healthy and has this dark side of humanity to it, this unconscious side.
When power is truly realized (from my experience) it is the power of joy and love, connection, interconnectedness… these things; the conscious side of power – it’s limitless. Whereas I think the unconscious side of power has limits, there is only so much destroying the world we can do without the world being completely finished.
Andrea: Yes, and that is an extraordinary gift to impart; that distinction. I would love it if you could share one of your favorite feedbacks about the magazine is.
Steve: The feedback on the magazine has been great. I really loved it when a customer came to us when we were having problems with Google. They unfortunately banned us from their Google Play platform and it was discouraging at the time. But I received an email from a customer telling me that I should not stop, that what I was doing was important work and that I should never give up.
Andrea: That’s beautiful. So, you’ve learned all of these new things and put together a great mix of self-development experts, love experts, intimacy experts… what are the gifts that you want to instill in people? I know you want to speak about your coaching.
Steve: For me, awareness is one of the number one things. To be aware that you are being aware is the first step but there are so many layers of awareness in relationship, whether you are single or you are with a partner. For example, just being aware of:
- How you communicate,
- What you think and why you think it
- Are you aware of your attachment to the past?
Andrea: I think what any good coach does is make people aware of their blind spots and so all of this that you’ve learned, when you are with someone’s awareness of themselves and then your awareness – I think that’s where you can give radical insight.
There can be so much potential, there can be a prism of colors, but if someone is only used to seeing the world in three colors then that’s where they’re at. With all your worldly experiences, you bring all of that to the table and you’ll be able to look for a different door and opening it.
Steve: Definitely. My experiences started in London a few years ago, just trying to understand how to meet women during the day when I was doing my shopping. It was certainly an interesting time to understand the dynamics of trying to attract someone you didn’t know.
From there, I traveled to Austin, Texas to understand about orgasmic meditation with the One Taste community. I learned a lot about female orgasm, male orgasm, communication, connection and that was a beautiful experience. I then traveled around the world to do a variety of different workshops about relationships and sexuality.
All that led me to me meeting a special someone 9 months ago. When we meet it was as though neither of us had a choice in the attraction. We had to be with each other, our souls started dancing with each other and haven’t stopped since the moment we met. She teaches tantra and helps women to connect to their power and we are co-creating beautiful things together.
So, I’ve kind of gone a journey of not knowing anything about how to pull in someone I was attracted to, to pulling her into my life and diving deep into a relationship that has allowed me to experience myself in a way that I have never ever done before.
Andrea: Just listening to you share about the souls dancing together that you found yourself in with your girlfriend, that it’s incredibly beautiful and powerful.
I understand that communication and pleasure are incredibly important parts of intimacy. I wonder if you could give a snapshot of a before and after of each. What was communication like before you started this journey? And how was your experience of pleasure before and after?
Steve: I hadn’t been in a relationship for ten years and I remember back then I couldn’t communicate my feelings. I think many men are shut away from communicating their feelings and I was no different. Communication was a big issue was for me. I couldn’t say what I wanted; I didn’t even really know what I felt. I didn’t take the time to understand what was going on inside me.
Now, I may not always know instantly what is going with me but I will give myself the time to understand what is going on before I communicate.
If you don’t really take the time to understand, you end up communicating from a place of ego rather than a deeper place. You have to have this awareness of from which place you are communicating. Although I’m not perfect, and sometimes I will slip up and I will communicate from ego, I can at least have the awareness to apologize if I need to and avoid all the games and trickery that come from ego. I certainly never had this level of awareness before I started on this journey.
Andrea: That’s extraordinary. I think that distinction alone of whether you are communicating from ego or from a deeper place is of incredible value. The potential of that to transform relationships is powerful and extremely beautiful.
Steve: Yeah, I think so often in relationships – especially when it gets into an argumentative pattern each partner is trying to play the victim. The victim is pure ego.
If we had more of that awareness around this in society and the world in general then it would be a much more peaceful place to live. If we just had more awareness of our darker sides, our aggressive sides, our mean spirited sides when they arise then what a world that would be.
Andrea: Wow. Yes, and do you want to speak to the second part of the question about how pleasure has changed for you?
Steve: Pleasure has completely shifted. I now know there is so much more on offer. In terms of sex, I can give a (not too explicit) example from my sex life. Quite often during sex, Lucie will tap on either the base of my spine or behind my heart and this completely shifts the energy around my body. I can only describe it has having orgasms in these areas that can last minutes or hours. I certainly didn’t know anything about that before.
I think one realization that I had was that I am worthy of joy, and you are worthy of joy, everyone is worthy of joy and feeling it as much as possible every single day. My relationship has allowed me to see that, so those are the things that have shifted for me. I certainly couldn’t speak to you about these things a few years ago!
Andrea: I think there is definitely a starvation of pleasure in collective consciousness with physical pleasure and the emotional aspect of pleasure.
I’ve noticed with people that many people have blocks in working with joy. Have you noticed any blocks you’ve had with joy?
Steve: Again, it’s that allowing. It’s just allowing the joy and that relates to the physical as well. I just mentioned about the tapping on the spine, whereas most men don’t realize that is available so they can’t allow for that to happen.
When you start to allow more pleasure in your body that translates to your life. When you know there is an abundance of pleasure in your body, your body becomes nourished and your life becomes nourished.
As human beings we want this pleasure, it is something we yearn for and if we can allow it into our bodies and other areas of our life then everything can be transformed. Just the simple act of eating can be transformed.
If we can allow this constant flow of joy within us then it only perpetuates joy. I find that really being thankful after a joyous sexual experience with Lucie is transformative in terms of the allowing too. I remember just last night of placing my hands on her heart and saying thank you (in my mind) after we completed our lovemaking.
Andrea: That’s deeply beautiful. I hear that what you’re offering with everything you do is to move beyond gimmicks and ego. To really be present to an entirely different world where you can really be with another person and experience the fullest extent of joy possible.
Steve: On that note, I’d like to offer something special. If anyone listening would love a chance a to experience my coaching firsthand, I am offering a few slots to my listeners or anyone you refer my way that you think might be a great fit. I am working with people who are ready to be powerful and joyful in every area of their life. People who want to experience adventure, love and incredible intimacy. People who are ready to shed the baggage of their past and step boldly into the future with true awareness of what is possible in their dating, sex and relationships.
If that sounds like you, and you are ready to take this life changing step to make this year the best year of your life, then send me an email on email@example.com. Once I am clear that I am in fact the one to help you, I will gift you a free breakthrough session that will leave you with tools and mind shifts that will radically shift your world. Jump on this offer as space will fill up and I can’t wait to connect to more of my audience and their friends.
Andrea: That sounds awesome. You’ve put out a powerful invitation for people to dive into a powerful conversation with you. I am sure if someone feels an opening that I certainly felt on this call with you, then they’ll know to get in touch as soon as possible.
Steve: Yes. Thank you Andrea! It has certainly been interesting to be on this side of the microphone!
Andrea: Thank you for the opportunity to interview you; it was a pleasure!
Steve: Thank you.