Lily Black is an alternative model from London, Ontario in Canada. She enjoys reading, doing puzzles, playing sports – primarily basketball, watching movies, and just about anything outdoors. Lily is also a submissive.
Hi Lily, tell us about the dominant/submissive lifestyle… Is it something that reinforces masculine dominance and female submissiveness?
When talking about domination/ submission I think the most important factor to stress is that these are always consensual arrangements. A person willingly chooses to submit him or herself to another. This doesn’t mean a person is forced into a lifestyle they hate. These relationships can end at any time, just as any other relationship.
The biggest difference is the acceptance of roles. This does not reinforce masculine dominance and female submissiveness as it’s not always the male who is dominant. Some men submit to women. Depends on their arrangement, comfortability, and desires.
How do you set clear boundaries of what is and what is not acceptable?
That’s something that gets discussed prior to submitting. Every submissive and Dom should always discuss likes/ dislikes, fantasies, limits, and establish a safe word.
How does this translate in day-to-day circumstances? Can a dominant just make the submissive do the dishes everyday?
Dominance and submission needs to be incorporated in your relationship in a balanced way. I found a really great post on Tumblr titled Thoughts on a Master/slave lifestyle, written by a dominant male, and it reads:
“I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel more intelligent or wiser.
I am not dominant because of the strength or the mass of my body.
I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women.
Yet, to you I am Master.
I am your Master only after earning your trust, and I embrace your submissiveness.
I have looked into your heart and mind, and clearly see your desires and passions.
You have thrown away your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor.
You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend, and provide for you.
You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt.
Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts. We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We complement each other and make each other complete.
My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs.
You are sure, strong, and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man.
You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return, you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust.
Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your word with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions.
And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you. What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural, and the rarest gift a woman can give a man.
You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift.
I recognize it is your body, mind, and soul. I dominate you only because you have allowed me to, and when I see your body kneel before me in my mind and heart, you are raised above all other women and all the treasures of the earth.
Within the bounds of our relationship…it is my duty to protect you, and that you will know, that under my care; NO harm will come to you as a result of actions taken by me or you. That is my responsibility, to protect you from yourself if necessary. What you give freely cannot in reality be bought.”
That’s beautiful. What are the common misconceptions about D & S?
There are a lot of misconceptions about D & S, and it’s commonly compared to abusive relationships, which isn’t fair nor accurate. There isn’t much variance between my relationships as a submissive and one’s I’ve had that the average person would consider “normal”; the primary difference is there are very distinct roles in the relationship.
I guess the best way for me to explain it is: I am his property, and though I’m his property and I belong to him I’m his favorite possession. There’s a lot of passion involved from both parties. There’s nothing unhealthy about accepting a role as a submissive, but rather it’s the embracing of my womanhood and my desire to be there for my partner.
Do you not think the d/s scene reinforces the ego’s need to possess something? After all, in this world we don’t really ‘own’ anything.
I’m attracted to this lifestyle because I’ve never felt so liberated. Having someone else make your decisions for you is one less stress in your life. Your concern is now primarily the care of another’s needs. It’s extremely self-satisfying at the same time. I never feel selfishness or guilt. I’m sure it does reinforce our ego need to posses something. But I don’t see anything wrong with possession if this individual is appreciative and willing to dedicate him or herself entirely to taking care of their pet.
What do you enjoy in the submissive role?
I enjoy having a man who takes care of me and provides for me, and in return I will submit to him and nurture his needs. Just because we don’t see each other as equals doesn’t mean I’m locked in a cage all day, committing my life to his orders.
We simply accept our roles in the relationship. It would be the same as if we had a professional work relationship. Accepting a person as your superior does not mean accepting poor treatment. It’s why clearly communicating your needs with your partner in an open and honest way is such an important thing to do. And, if it’s no longer working for you, you end your relationship and move on just like any other. Your bond is no longer tied to that person.
Do you think a dom/sub relationship based on love or something else?
I’m sure dom/sub relationships are based on many things, as many relationships are… but yes, of course love is included on this list. I could never submit to a man I didn’t love or have a profound respect for. I couldn’t rely on a person nor dedicate myself to him without extreme feelings of love or without knowing I’m valued and appreciated. This person is your other half, your better half… and submission is an immeasurable, genuine expression of love and gratitude to your partner.
How does the d/s translate into the bedroom? Would it be different from ‘normal’ relationships?
The biggest difference would be that I get off on pleasing him. If he’s not enjoying it, neither am I. My purpose is to please him and if that’s not happening than something needs to change. My enjoying myself is 100% dependent on him and his reactions to me, just as he depends on my obedience and eagerness to please. I’ve been ordered to just enjoy myself before.
Just because he’s a dom, it doesn’t mean he’s selfish; it means that we have a very profound mutual respect. We believe that we have entirely different responsibilities and jobs that are completed as a means of maintaining this relationship we’ve established. We both know our roles and are happy to commit to them.
Thank you Lily. You can follow Lily on Facebook by clicking here. https://www.facebook.com/LilyBlackModel
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