The backstory…

We meet last summer on a sunny day on a beautifully sunny day; she is dressed beautifully with her super slim stomach out as she walks by. Mmm. I go speak to her, we date the same evening and there is a lot of play and intimacy. We feel completely free together. We spend the next few days together and on the last day I am in town we have explosive, glorious, animal sex in a fit of passion. I love her sexual confidence and openness. I leave and hope we’ll see each other again sometime in the future.

I’m sure this happens a lot to people across the world every day. It was pure passion, fun and romance. It doesn’t happen every day of the year but when it happens, it’s beautiful.

Turn the page forward to a year later and I am back in the same city. We haven’t had a great deal of contact in the last year and turns out she has a boyfriend now, which is cool.

I tell her I still want to meet for an afternoon coffee, purely to meet up and be friends. Which is completely true. Connection is important to me. Besides, we had a great time and we should be able to share an hour together, no?

We exchange text messages:

Her: I don’t understand why you wanna be friends. Cuz u r not my friend. I think it was cool to fuck each other once. That’s it. I don’t wanna be mean but I’m not looking for friendship. We had a cool time but why should we keep in touch?

Me: I wanna know that you are a living, breathing person. To share a joke with you or a coffee if we are in the same city. Why not? That is my question to you. Why would you wanna fuck someone and then not speak to them again? To fuck is to be human. To stay in touch is to be human. To connect and grow is all we are here for. Why carelessly discard another human connection? Every connection is valuable. With each one, the human race grows a little stronger.

That’s why I want to connect with you.

Maybe it is not so profound to you now but if you read this in the future, maybe it will be.

I truly loved our experience together. So, thank you for that.

I hope one day you understand why I wanted to stay in touch, at least just a little. I accept that you don’t want to stay in touch (at this moment) and have different views on life. That’s okay.

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Sweet dreams sweetheart. Much love to you.

Some questions I ask myself:

Who is right here?

Nobody is right or wrong. We both have different relationships to sex, see the: What is my relationship to sex? article. I can see her point of view. There is absolutely no need to stay in touch. Yet, there is a want from me but not from her. That’s just the way it is.

Would I go back and not sleep with her had I known what has happened now?

No. The experience and the sex were too good. She is one of few women that truly owns her sexual power and I adore her for that. I have learned that I should articulate that I want to try and stay connected in some way, shape or form if I sleep with a woman.

Why do I feel like I want more connection?

It’s not only me. I meet a huge amount of guys who have slept with between 30 and 300 women and sex is great fun but they mostly feel completely disconnected and want something more.

For me, the number of women I sleep with is not important and it never will be. The most important thing is that we can be a positive influence on each other’s lives. That there is some love there. I will not marry or have kids with every girl I meet, neither do I want to but I want to shower them in my presence and my adoration of their uniqueness in this world. I want to thank them for being part of my world and revel in the joy of being themselves.

My sex is much more powerful because of this. My sexual presence is much more powerful and will continue to be so as I get even more clear in what I want. I am still on this journey and I can only expand.

Time to let go!

This is the most raw and vulnerable part of me. As one of my friends mentioned to me today, “There is not one woman I have been with that I have not loved for at l0 seconds or 10 years.”

It’s true. I think there is something we love about someone else before we sleep with them. Another female friend said to me, “We give a little part of ourselves each time we sleep with someone.” My witty response was, “Yes, I give all of my 2 inches.” Joking aside, for me and many others it’s true. I loved this girl for a brief time and I have to say goodbye to any connection. This is happening day after day in our world.

My solace comes in knowing the truth; we are never really disconnected. It’s all in our minds. We are all always connected.

I have peace in knowing that.

What do you think? Do you agree with Jon? Tell us in the comments below!

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