This is an excerpt from the book, The Commitment Phobe – It’s not you…it’s him! by Emily Wilcox
After years, or even decades, of pushing, pulling and prodding, it’s finally time to release the confusion, pain, frustration and depression and put the “Commitment-Phobe” to rest.
As soon as we embrace this new way of thinking, we will serendipitously reign in our knight in shining armor who we have been looking for all along.
Now that we are self-loving, deserving, and independent and have a clear understanding of who we are, the Committed Man can enter the picture. Once we have transformed from a Love Addict into a healthy Independent Woman, we will instantly know when we have snagged this rare gem.
This amazing new guy is committed, affectionate, open, loving, caring, honest, respectful and loyal. And the best part is that he doesn’t get scared away when he gets too close! In fact, he enjoys his closeness with you and embraces intimacy.
You are saving money on psychics and seminars because there is no longer a need to question where he goes and what he does. Luckily, you don’t need a can opener to get into his mind.
Does this man actually exist? Of course! You just were never going to meet him with your outdated concept of yourself. We attract to us what we believe we deserve (even subconsciously) and up until now, that wasn’t much. Because when we know better, we create better.
THE COMMITTED MAN: A Committed Man feels good when his partner is happy. The happier his girlfriend or wife, the more he feels he is doing his job. He isn’t scared of his feelings or what lies underneath.
Unlike the Commitment-Phobe, the Committed Man has a healthy thought process when it comes to intimacy, fear and decision-making. His outer confidence is genuine and he doesn’t feel the need to overcompensate due to hidden insecurities, or lie about who he really is.
He does not exaggerate the truth in an attempt to make himself look better in the eyes of his lovers and peers.
His ego is intact and he doesn’t care much about outside opinions when it comes to love.
The Committed Man has a balanced life, dispelling any mystery.
He is confident in himself, trusting his own decisions, including his choice in a life partner.
He has no desire to keep searching for another woman because he has you.
A Committed Man knows what he wants and is capable of making decisions regarding his life, home, family, career, finances and relationships. He does not sway in whatever direction the wind takes him. He is in control of his inner and outer world.
Perhaps the most distinguishing characteristic is that the Committed Man is confident in a normal, healthy way. He doesn’t come across as the Charmer because he is not looking to charm his way into your pants. He knows that in order to get the girl, he only needs to rely on being himself. He has no need to manipulate you into liking him because he feels quite comfortable with whom he is.
The Committed Man may not have a million whistles and bells to counter the Commitment-Phobe’s desperate charm and witty ways, but this is exactly what got us in trouble in the first place. This is not to say that a Committed Man is boring! It is just that he does not come with all the mysterious guesswork that the Commitment-Phobe does, giving the new relationship a different feeling, one of inner peace and deep trust.
A Committed Man does not see his partner as needy, but rather as someone secure enough to express her insecurities, desires and needs.
Rather than feeling suffocated, a Committed Man feels good when his partner needs him.
The Commitment-Phobe pursued the Love Addict because he was hoping she would never enmesh him, suffocate him or ever insist on any type of real intimacy (what was he thinking?)
After all, the Love Addict was elusive, playful and unapproachable in the pre-beginning. Luckily, the Committed Man is not interested in playing these games.
He is looking for a woman who is open and available. He wants to give and receive love equally.
It is not of any interest to the Committed Man to stop having physical intimacy.
Because what healthy, normal man does not want to have sex?
He does not lose his sexual desire for his partner after the first year or two.
In fact, his sex drive is perfectly healthy and he enjoys the connection much like you do.
The Committed Man is not afraid of love, intimacy and closeness and he doesn’t attract to him women who are.
A COMMITTED PAST:
If he is past a reasonable age, the Committed Man has had one or more long-term relationships, likely lasting over two years without any “breaks” during the courtship.
Now, he may think some of his exes were a little crazy, but he does not feel the need to delegate blame on anyone.
The Committed Man knows his faults and where he went wrong, causing him to want to do better the next go around. He takes responsibility for his past without passing too much judgment in any direction.
Amongst the many differences between the Committed Man and the Commitment-Phobe is the way in which he leaves his relationships.
Unlike his counterpart, when a Committed Man is no longer interested in being in a relationship, he commits to leaving and doesn’t keep changing his mind.
Remember, this is a guy who is comfortable with his decisions and has a healthy connection to his own feelings and instincts. He doesn’t cause a big fight in order to get away or leave with no warning due to some fictitious undiagnosed mood disorder.
When a Committed Man falls out of love or decides the connection in not great, he will actually relay this information, face to face.
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The Commitment Phobe – It’s not you…it’s him! In this game-changing book for female readers everywhere, Relationship Expert Emily Wilcox, reveals the shocking truth behind men who can’t commit and the perils of a push/pull relationship. With a new take on old relationship drama, The Commitment Phobe takes you on a journey through love, loss, heartache and transformation.
He was your knight in shining armor until your castle came crashing down. What ever happened to the man from the beginning? What went wrong? Did he ever love me? Is he coming back?